7 weeks 3 days

So we had our first ultrasound yesterday and let me say I was soooo nervous. You buy these books that are suppossed to be helpful, but really just scare the living shit out of you talking about all the things that can go wrong. Fortunatly, everything went great!



We saw the baby (looks more like a tadpole or a blob), and Dr. A had to point everything out to me because it was really hard to tell what was what. The most amazing thing that we saw was this really little, fast flicker which was the heartbeat. It was so cool to see and it made us both finally feel like something is really going on in there.



We go back in 2 weeks for a 9 week ultrasound and as long as everything looks fine we will be released to my regular OB. One of the Nurses at the office said the next time it will look like a turtle :)

Week 5

So I think I am in my fifth week right now. The Dr. will be more concrete with this once we go for our ultrasound in a few weeks. Right now our baby(ies) is the size of an appleseed and is starting to form organs and systems. It's pretty amazing.

As for me I am feeling pretty good. Other than some fatigue and sore breasts I haven't had many other symptoms. When I get hungry now, I GET HUNGRY and need to eat ASAP. I don't think I have been to crazy emotionally, but Tim may have a better perspective on that. I keep taking pregnancy test just to make sure there still positive which Tim thinks is a little neurotic and I can't say I blame him.

14dp3dt

Or we can call it 2 days after a POSITIVE pregnancy test. It is official, I am knocked up finally after almost 3 long years! The nurse called on Friday afternoon at 2 and told me that there is no doubt that I am pregnant! They like the levels to be at 100 and mine happened to me at 340 or something like that. Because of this I don't have to go in for a repeat Beta, I could just go ahead and schedule the ultrasound. We go in 2 weeks to have a first look at our little bean.

We have told a few people (who knows how many people will find out now that my Grammie knows, she is the talking head of Germantown), but it's harder to keep things quiet when you go through IVF. Everyone know when everything happens. Well I shouldn't say everyone, all close friends and family. Some people won't know until the 2nd trimester.

I am excited that now I get to talk about the things that go along with pregnancy, instead of all the technical dr. stuff and stirrups and retrievals and transfers and eggs etc... We are cautiously optimistic. Trying to enjoy it since it to so so long to get here. Also a little anxious to find out how many we have. I think Hubby and I both kinda hope for twins, but 1 or 3 (nail biting) will make us just as happy. I have attached a picture of the first positive pregnancy test I have ever seen! Actually camera just died while importing pictures so that will be saved for next time

12dp3dt

Today is Beta day. I went in at 11am to get the blood drawn and sent off. Hoping for good news and going crazy in the process. I am so nervous I feel like I may throw up all over the place.

11dp3dt

My left ovary feels as though it may explode. Keep getting a really sharp crampy pain and it is getting really annoying. I am hoping that it is something associated with pregnancy. This has been D Day for the other 2 cycles, meaning that both cycles on this day the bleeding started. No bleeding today would be considered a victory for me.

Here's hoping that my ovary pain is as far as it goes

10dp3dt

Ok, so I am now 2 days out from my pregnancy test. They are moving at a snails pace. I had a little cramping at 3, 4 and 5 dp3dt and then it stopped. It started again and went from 7dp3dt - 9dp3dt and then again stopped. It is a little weird because this is new for me. The first time cramps at the beginning, then they stopped for like a week and the bleeding started like 4 days before my pregnancy test. Second time nothing until the second week then hella cramps started and so did my period 4 days before my pregnancy test. This time is different, so hopefully that is a good sign! Below are my embryos at transfer before they Assisted them in Hatching. The picture is kinda small on here, but you can see them rather clearly.

Update

Well I haven't been on here for a long time and am slacking, so I'll do the abbreviated catch up.

Hubby and I started IVF cycle #3. We are pulling out all the stops on this one. WIth the 1st ending in a Chemical pregnancy and the 2nd just being negative we are hoping 3rd time is a charm. Everything went smoothly this cycle. The meds weren't that bad, Dr. A took out 21 eggs at the retrieval. 13 were mature, all 13 fertilized and then it was watch and wait. We did a 3 day transfer of 3 embryos with Assisted Hatching. We had 2 great looking 8 celled and 1 great looking 9 celled. (This is not much different from the other two times with quality). The transfer happened without a hitch. Very easy, unlike the last time where they stuck to the tube and they had to try again. I was much more uncomfortable that time as well, then I laid there and waited for the nurse to come in and get me.

I didn't have to use the bathroom after this one and laid back on the way home. It probably sounds really silly, but I figured why not. I have 3 days left to wait until the office does my Beta (pregnancy test). It feels like eternity. Friday at 11am is the big day! I have had some cramping on and off and that is about it. I feel like I should have some other symptom. I guess other than that and feeling a little tired from time to time I really don't. They say cramps are normal or even good, but the only thing they have meant for me is bad news. It is hard to get excited over that. 30 minutes ago I had them, now their gone. It is a strange, strange thing.

I hope to post the picture of our 3 embies. The good news is that we did get 1 frozen blast out of this cycle. Hopefully, we won't need that one for quite awhile.

ttfn

Here we go.....again!

Well I am starting out third and hopefully final round of IVF. I thought for a hot minute that I may not have too seeing as the ugly bitch we call Aunt Flow decided she wanted to be really, really late for the first time in my life. I have been late, but not like this. So I lifted the pregnancy test ban and bought one for the first time in a year. I waited until I was a week late then tested, negative. Called the doctor the next day they told me to wait until Friday and take another test, if that was negative they would start it for me. She then proceeds to tell me that this process can take another 17 days. WTF, I have already waited 41 at this point to get the show on the road, I am ready to go and now she wants to fuck with me as a cruel and evil joke!

Anyway, I waited 2 days and tested again, still negative. Now instead of hoping I am pregnany because obviously I am not, for the first time in 2 1/2 years I am actually hoping I start and soon! This really pisses me off because I have been hoping for the same thing for the last 2 1/2 years and nothing. I ask for this for 2 days and bam it works. Interesting! So I go to the Dr. on Sat for my day 3 appt and we get it moving!

Girls Night

My friend Katy is getting married so we went out for her bachelorette party last Sat. night. We went to 2 places I haven't been in forever. We went to Allyns Cafe for Dinner which was awesome! My friend Marisa got a cajun pasta that was delicious (my cheese enchilada was good as well, but pretty basic in comparison). I also had a few 1/2 and 1/2 Margaritas (1/2 frozen and 1/2 rocks) which was also very awesome!

After dinner with just a small amount of drama we went Adonis. This place has been rated one of the best in the nation and I remembered why. Great dance music, huge dance floor, awesome bar and an exceptionally big patio. Just such a fun, fun place! We had so much fun we have decided to try and do a girls night monthly (which doesn't sound like very often, but it is hard to plan things when everyone is so busy) to go there and dance and drink.

Acupuncture

Well last Wed. I had acupuncture. I went to this place called Angelic Whispers. It's pretty cool. They have all kinds of stuff there. Tai Chi, Yoga, Massage, Acupuncture, etc... Here is there website. http://www.angelicwhispers.com/ I like Dr. Chin. He's down to earth and easy to talk to. Thinks he can help and also said that I will concieve! He can sense things and he know it will happen! OK, we'll go with that. He tells me what to expect and I relax a bit. I was pretty nervous. It seemed a little strange getting needles stuck in me.

He starts on my back. I get 1 in my head, 1 in each foot, and several in various places on my back. Lay there for about 20 minutes with this machine, that sort of feels like stim, going.

Then I turn over and I get about 10 on various places on my stomach, I on the inside of my arms by each elbow, 1 on each thigh and 1 on the top of each foot. Same electric thing.

At first I resisted, but soon after you just feel really, really relaxed. Even if your trying not to because you don't know what will happen, you just do. I can't really describe. I would totally recommend this to people. If for nothing else to relieve your stress. I have felt so much more relaxed since it happened. It's strange, but good. I go back in a few weeks for another needling. We'll see how it goes!

Grand Ole Opry.....Why?

I watch American Idol and am wondering why they put us through the shitty country week every year. It is never good! I like some country music, but it seems like people pick the same songs or artists every season and it gets really old. This time we had Garth Brooks, Carrie Underwood and Martina McBride night with a few other sprinkled in for good measure. While most of them were OK, there were a few stand outs to me.

Here were my thoughts on the performances.
Michael Sarver - Ain't Going Down Til the Sun Comes Up, Garth Brooks
He left me really disappointed. He seems like an nice guy, but I wasn't sure that he should have been in the top 13. Last night I finally realized I was right. You couldn't understand what the hell he was saying and he looked as though he was just fumbling around on the stage. Not good. He could be going home tonight.

Allison Irehata - Blame It On Your Heart, Patty Loveless
She sounded good again. I think that she could sing anything, including the alphabet (per Kara) because there is actually an alphabet song. Anyway, I didn't think it was a good as last week. I did think that it was a little boring in parts, but OK. I think she will be safe for now.

Kris Allen - To Make You Feel My Love, Garth Brooks
I thought he did very well this week. One of my favorites of the night. He did remind me a little of Jason Castro from last season, that's not a bad thing because Castro made it pretty far in the competition. Safe

Lil Rounds (Or Little as Simon called her) - Independence Day, Martina McBride
Ok, I thought this could be a little rough and it was. I was never as into her as the judges were. She has a good voice and is a "power" singer, this did not showcase that at all. She was flat the beginning of the song and the tempo seemed off. NOt a good performance or choice of song so she could be in trouble.

Adam Lambert - Ring of Fire, Johnny Cash
I thought this was just awesome! Adam is not and never will be a country singer and he showed that tonight. The judges had mixed reviews. Randy seemed to really like it calling it current, young, fresh and like Nine Inch Nails which I didn't totally understand. Kara said it left her confused and kinda happy, Paula rambled on and on (she seemed especially stoned tonight) and Simon called it trash. It was also awkward and funny to see the reaction that Randy Travis had. He was not amused by this version and you could tell he hated it. I agree with both Randy and Kara. It was strange, but I liked it. He is for sure one of the most unique artists on the show, knows who he is and goes for it! Did the rest of America like it, I hope so!

cott McIntyre - Wild Angels, Martina McBride
Even though the judges seem to think Scott is a genius, I really don't see it. I think he is good on the piano, but just can't get into his singing. Don't know why. I thought he did OK tonight and will probably be safe.

Alexis Grace - Jolene, Dolly Parton
I thought this again, like most of the night, was just OK. She sounded alright. Made it a little too bluesy and jazzy. Not a fan of the song to begin with and I actually think I fast-forwarded through some of it. Maybe going home.

Gokey - Jesus Take the Wheel, Carrie Underwood
Oh, the horror of the outfit. What in the hell was he wearing! That was the first bad part. The versus of the song were not so good. I like him, I think he is normally a good singer, but this was out of key and just bad. The chorus was better, but was not feeling the Gokey tonight. It could be a wake up call for him to be in the bottom 2. I don't think it will happen because he is too popular, but it could be a good wake up call.

Anoop Dogg - You Are Always On My Mind, Willie Nelson
I think this is one of Anoops best performances in the whole competition to date. This is the way I remeber him sounding before his Bobby Brown and Michael Jackson week. One of my favorites of the night. Hopefully he'll get the votes he needs to stay in the competition after this performance.

Megan Joy Cockery - Walkin After Midnight, Patsy Cline
Last week was just awful for her and I expected this week to be the same. However, she wasn't completely shitty. She did better than I anticipated. I am still not a fan. She does this really awkward dance on stage everytime she sings and picks the oldest song 2 weeks in a row. I think she should be the one to go home this week, but we'll see.

Matt Giraud - So Small, Carrie Underwood
I thought the beginning was a little rough, but he picked it up in the middle and the end. Overall I thought he did a pretty good job. I liked him better last week, but he is a good singer and pianist. I think that he will get enough votes and will be safe this week.

Favorites: Kris Allen, Adam Lambert and Anoop
In Trouble: Michael Sarver, Lil Rounds and Megan Joy

3rd Times the Charm.....

Well, I was right. The beta came back as a big fat negative. I am totally bummed, but not hopeless. I spent about 3 days throwing myself a pity party, crying, cursing etc.., but am working through it. My mom and I went to see He's Just Not That Into You on Sat, which was really funny. Just what I needed to start to feel better. It also helped that yesterday I did a lot of work outside which included hoeing up some dirt. I think I took out some aggression on that for sure!

So, Dr. A called me today. I love him! I feel confident that if anyone can knock me up, it is him. We talked about possible problems and options. It appears that the only thing that is a little off is the embryo development. It is a little strange that this would happen because I am not old (in fertility terms), so this really shouldn't be an issue. I kept waiting to hear the words "egg donor", but luckily they are not that bad. Just slow. Options are this. Transfer 3 instead of 2. Initial thought...BRING IT ON! I am not scared of triplets, the only thing I am afraid of is it not working again. He also mentioned assisted hatching. With this they poke a small hole in the shell so it is easier for the embryo to hatch and attach. This would be an option because it could be the shell of the embryo is too thick and the embryo may not be able or have the energy to break out. Risk is the chance of identical twins because it can sometimes cause the embryo to split. Again...BRING IT ON! Not scared!

Also, will go back to Gonal F only protocol. He felt the quality was better with that only. Everything else seems fine. He is also going to give us a $1000.00 grant and free samples of Gonal to help with cost. These are more reasons why I love him as my Dr. So for now I am going to start Acupuncture (he referred me to someone that specializes in Acupuncture for Infertility), get my haircut and a highlight because my hair is looking a hot mess, hopefully get a massage and relax for the next month.

I am excited about the whole Acupuncture thing. I think that even if it helps to relax me, it is a good thing. Hubby is pissed, but getting over it. I love him too. I think he feels sorry for me more than anything.

Very Bad Things

Well I think that this one may be a big bust! Yesterday I started cramping and bleeding really bad, pretty sure that ugly bitch came into town. She just can't stay the fuck away from me! I still have to go in for a pregnancy test because I guess that there have been people that have had full flow and still been pregnant. They moved it up to Sat. for me, so at least I don't have to act like I am pregnant until Monday.

I have a lot of questions for my Dr. that will probably not be answered. Not because he won't, but because I don't think he can. My "unexplained infertility" needs to be explained ASAP! When everything goes so perfectly, the ending should be perfect too, right! Maybe if my cycle was all kinds of fucked up, I may actually have a happy ending! Hubby and I had already decided that we would do 1 more (I know many people that have had success on their 3rd attempt). We'll take a month off (so I can compose myself), talk to the DR. about what he thinks is going on and gear up for the long 2 month process once again.

It may sound as though I am complaining about it a lot, but it is so hard to give up on having biological children when you should be able to have them. We should actually be able to get pregnant on our own because there IS NOTHING WRONG WITH US! I think I am going to add acupuncture this time. I have heard great things about it and know someone that used it and got the name of her Dr. We'll see how it goes, it can't hurt.

We are going to look into some adoption information. We both really want biological kids, but need to explore other options, just in case. I guess we can multi-task and look into that as well. If the 3rd attempt doesn't work we are taking the summer off to relax, have some fun and save some $$. We'll try naturally and possible continue with the acupuncture (he actually may do it too). We feel like we have been stuck at this point in our lives for the last 2 years and need a nice break from it all. We can't say that we won't do IVF again, but I think we'll re-access at the end of the summer, if we have to. Maybe the 3rd time is the charm for us as well!

PS., I hate pads!!! I have to use them, can't use tampons until after the pregnancy test. They are one of the most disgusting things to me!

9 Down 6 To Go

Today is 9dp3dt or 9 days past 3 day transfer for all you fertile people. 6 more long, agonizing days to wait until my beta. It is like an eternity for reals! What is making matters worse if the damn time change. I am all kinds of screwed up. 11:30, normal bedtime, feels like 10:30 so I can't fall asleep. 6:30 feels like 5:30 so I can't get up...geesh!

So dealing with that and the rest of the shitiness that was Sunday was rough. We got back from Cleveland, which was nice and the drive wasn't super terrible. Did some things around the house, yada, yada. Then in the evening here come the dreaded cramps. I couldn't believe this, it is a fucking nightmare....this bitch aunt better not be coming or I will lose my collective shit! The last time I didn't have cramps, but the end started with lovely spotting, which turned to heavier bleeding, then I had the worst cramps I have ever had in my life for about 15 minutes during the actually miscarriage. Then it all stopped.

So while this is different than the last time, it still felt like I was not just starting my period, but actually on it. That night just gets worse because I have horrific cramps, then I wake up at 1:30 in the morning sweating, then cold, then hot etc... this goes on for 2 hours. I think I finally fell back to sleep at about 3:30. Got up for work, still cramping and pouted all day. I got home and finally sat on the couch at about 8pm and lo and behold they went away. I can't even believe that they are gone. I keep waiting for them to start again or something else to happen, but I feel much better today.

I am still waiting for something to happen and I probably won't feel better until I make it to my testing date, but it does make me feel somewhat better and even, dare I say, positive about this cycle!n Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself.

On the Fourth Day of Torture.....

This is day 4 past my transfer and I think I may be on ther brink of losing my mind! Last time was hard this one is even harder. Analyzing every ache, twinge, cramp, headache gets so exhausting, then I have to analyze that too. Hopefully the quick trip to Cleveland will get my mind off of things. Doubtful, but I can hope can't I.

WTF

OK, so this is really off subject, but I have to say something. I watched the Bachelor last night and it was the finale. Jason (the Bachelor), who I thought was so nice and different and this great dad, picked Melissa. Yea, happy ending for all. He proposed, said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, wants her to be the step-mom to his son, yada, yada, yada.

Then they do this "After the Final Rose" Special. This is where the WTF comes into play. So he (Jason) comes out to talk to Chris and gets all serious and said that something changed and it just isn't working with Melissa. WHAT, it has been 6 weeks and you have not been able to even be together in public yet. He proceeds to well up some fake tears about how she has every right to be mad because he wants to be will Molly (the other woman) and made a mistake.

Melissa comes out, pissed and rightfully so I think. He ended the engagement with her on National TV and told her he wanted to try with Molly. He of course made this drag out for like 45 minutes. This is when I start to refer to him as ass. So, Chris has Molly come out and talks to her. Ass comes out at and says "Hey I made a mistake, I just ended it with my fiance' of six weeks that I have spent time with twice, wanna have a drink or go for coffee? Again, WTF. I expect Molly to say no, want to know why she wasn't picked in the first place, why why why. Instead she and Ass decide to "see where it goes" and suck face.

WTF ....by the way, it's to be continues tonight. I think he proposes to Molly instead. Maybe it will be with the same ring he just got back from Melissa last night.

The Long Wait

Now is the time to hurry up and wait. I feel like I have wasted away on the couch for the last 4 days. It is nice to have the hubby waiting on me, but I don't enjoy getting nagged for getting up for 5 minutes!

We had 2 really nice embryos transferred yesterday. Last time we had 2 eight celled, this time we had a 9 and a 10 celled. They were a little sticky though. They had to attempt a second time when they refused to leave the tube the first go round. There is nothing like being in a bed, in the leg stirrups with your ass so far up in the air it's like being on an amusment park ride and being told that they will have to do it again and to hang in there. Where do they think I am going to go?

The Day After

The retrieval yesterday went really well. They managed to get 16 eggs, which was more than expected. I also found out why I thought my ovaries may expolde. Apparently all the follicles were really big, so that is good news and the cause of my discomfort. I ended up spending the rest of the day yesterday watching chick flicks with my mom. She made dinner before she left, cleaned the kitchen and took care of me. It was nice.

I learned I should never take 1000mg of x-tra strength Tylonol on an empty stomach. I started seeing wavy lines and couldn't put sentences together properly until I ate some pizza. Not the smartest thing I ever did, but it sure killed the pain!

I also remember that the day after, is worse than the day of. Getting up this morning was rough, really rough. Actually it is still rough. Hubby is bringing me some hot compresses that can be hidden because I really, really miss my heating pad! Also something to eat so I don't get all whacked out on the medication again.

Big day tomorrow

Tomorrow is the big retrieval day! It's a good thing because I feel like my ovaries may explode into tiny pieces which I am pretty sure would not be a pretty thing. I can just take it easy tonight, no shots or pills or anything else yea! Hubby is not feeling well so I need to make sure I stay away from him. I cannot afford to get sick for the next few weeks.

Saturday

Saturday my hubby, parents and brother went to Claddaugh for dinner and then to the Shadowbox Cabaret. Bringin Sexy Back was really good. The music was awesome, probably my favorite of all the shows I have been to and the skits were really funny with the exception of one that I just didn't really get. So, we had a really good time and I actually forgot about my headaches, pains and fatigue for a little while.

I also recommed the Fish and Chips at Claddaugh, they are probably the best I have had.

Menopur...Yuck

So I am not a fan of Menopur. It is messy and is much more difficult to administer. It hurts and I keep getting knots just under the injection site. I think it also makes me a little moody. I actually feel bad for my husband at times, but I can't help it.

Upgraded from 1 shot to 2

Lucky me, I stopped the Lupron on Friday and got to add Gonal F and Menopur to the mix. Gonal F is really easy, not a fan of the Menopur though. It is a bit more complicated and hurts more. My stomach looks like a pin cushion.

History

This is my first time, so bear with me. The biggest thing in my life right now is the journey I am on to be a mom. I am 29 and 2 years ago decided (with my husband of course) I was ready to start a family. I had no idea the ride I would be taken on. We tried on our own for a year. I had no known problems and it seemed like it should happen, but it didn't. After a year we decided to see a specialist. We went to a wonderful place, Institute for Reproductive Health in Hyde Park, and started what would be a long and arduous process. After 4 Clomid/IUI cycles, Surgery, 3 Injectible/IUI cycles, 1 IVF that ended in a Bio-Chemical Pregnancy and rest cycles inbetween I am part way through my second IVF and hoping that it has a happy ending.